just bought my cap and gown.

booyah.

Have you ever been disappointed or let down by someone, even in really stupid ways? I recently re-connected with an old friend who I absolutely LOVED. We had the most fun together. Funniest guy I know. Seriously. I dont think i ever had a conversation with this guy where I didnt walk away with tears streaming down my face in laughter.

Well I've just discovered that he has apparently become best friend's with my ex-brother-in-law. I knew there was a chance of it, they both work for the local town government, but it just never really occurred to me that they would become besties. :\

I dont know if anyone remembers my story of my ex brother-in-law, but speaking as the sisterinlaw/aunt of his kids, he is the biggest scumbag to ever curse the Earth.

Speaking as just a regular person, he's absolutely deplorable.

The things he has done, not just to my sister (which i can deal with) but to his kids? To MY neice and nephews? It makes me sick. Im not exaggerating. When i find things out I want to throw up and cry at the same time. Better yet, I want to hurt him. With my bare hands. A lot.

Now, I'm not going to be like 'Oh, you're bff with him? Fuck you!" I still love my friend and am super psyched we re-connected. But it's been dulled now. In fact, I almost think a little less of him. I don't know.


Am I wrong to judge? I don't feel like i am. I feel like the type of person you are can be seen in the people you share most of your time with.



Add to all the above, I've found out he is no longer with his wife and is seeing a younger woman. Not the BIGGEST surprise in the world as everyone and their uncle knew it was only a matter of time before that marriage ended, but I feel like that makes him more like my brother-in-dick than I had wanted to believe.

 

Then again, maybe that's why he was drawn to my BIL.  

I don't know. It's bummed me out.

im completely exhausted today (i just wrote "to say" instead of today. wtf?)

Ive been getting to sleep late, waking up relatively early and then running around like a chicken with my head cut off the rest of the time.

Bam, it's caught up with me.  I just crashed on my couch for a completely comatose hour.

and when i finally woke up, my eyelids refused to cooperate until they were much cajoled by my brain to knock it the fuck off.

Good things are afoot at the Circle K. Such as:

• I'm almost done with my schooling  - Last day of Student teaching is December 4th (have interview December 14th) and last day of classes is December 12th (Graduation Commencement on January 29th)  Considering I was just reading my entries from over 2 years ago about "being excited about going back to school" this is astonishing to me.
•  I'm almost competely out of Credit Card debt accrued during my last relationship something like 8 years ago.  Only $400 left to pay. WOOHOO!  There goes a $566 payment/mo...of course in 6 mos i will begin paying down my student debt...but let's not talk about that yet.
• I've started creative writing again.  Nothing major, just some little 60 words stories to start (which are surprisingly quite difficult), but the feedback I'm getting may inspire me to write further
• I love my "job".  I've made a great choice of career, I have. I love the kids I work with. I love what I do with them. I love love love learning everything I learn every day with them.
• Starting Salaries in my new career with my educational background in my school district are around $43,000/yr. Not too shabby for a starting salary especially considering the last job i had was a starting salary of around $35,0000
• Made the decision to get a new car when I get a new job...it's time. Roxy, she's not getting any younger and it's starting to show. She's aged gracefully, but the time is nigh to push her off onto that big iceberg we call "trade-in".

Relationship wise Im still with R. Things are fair to midland. We get along well, but there is no passion. Can't remember the last time we had sex.  Don't know what Im going to do there, and I'm not trying to figure that out right now. I've got a lot on my plate already. It's not completely broke, so we will see what happens.

That's probably the most honest I've been about it ever.

So there you have it, my life in a nutshell at the moment.  I wish I could promise that I will post more, yada yada, but I can't say for sure. Im very fickle when it comes things like this. I would like to continue, but who knows.

Anyone who havent talked to in a while have any questions? Looking for any updates on something in particular?

Love and hugs
xx
<3

 

My good friend _ishtahar_  posted this, and while I responded in her post, I thought it would be good to post here, as there are many of you I would love to know more about! :)  If have the time, either reply to this post, or repost so I can learn more about you! :)

1) What is your name? Or, what do you prefer to be called online?
2) How old are you?
3) Where do you live?
4) What is your occupation?
5) What is your relationship status? 
6) If you're in a relationship, give me a brief synopsis of "your story".
7) What are your hobbies, outside of internet?
8) What are your biggest passions in life?
9) Do you have children? Describe. If you don't have any, would you like them?
10) What is most important to you in a friendship?
11) Are you religious? 
12) What are your favorite bands? Books? Movies?
13) Ask me one thing you would like to know about me. 

( Here are my answers... )

I had an AWESOME birthday weekend.

The trip to NYC was exhausting but amazing. Absolutely loved Wicked.  Had so much fun. Got a new purse, a new shirt and some other cool stuff.

So we drove up early on Saturday. When we got there, there was some kind of street fair going on on 6th Ave, which is where our hotel was, so while we were walking to the show, we walked down 6th and just looked at all the stalls and ended up getting Gyros for Lunch (which were awesome).  Then we went to Wicked which was A-Ma-Zing.  So good.  Bought a "Defy Gravity" Vneck tshirt.  Rob bought me a program too.  

Then we went to dinner at a restaurant right outside the theater called Azalea.  Had an AMAZING seafood risotto. I died.


Then we totally just walked around midtown. We were so exhausted we were back at the hotel room by around 930 pm.  It was a long ass day!

On Sunday (MY BIRTHDAY HUZZAH!) we went out to breakfast, walked around some more then went to the baseball game.  We ended up leaving that early, because we were killing them, but that was stupid because Jayson Werth ended up performing a solo triple play at the end of the game, which is something that no one has done since 1928!  We were kicking the shit out of ourselves on the way home.


When we got home, Rob went and got me a cake, the kids gave me a card and $30, bless their hearts. What I loved the most was in the card Miss D wrote "30 years old - 26 = 4 years togeter. Best years of my life".  I got a little misty eyed. :o

I just had a really nice time. I loved it. It was wonderful.  Now I got to Rochester tomorrow, and apparently my mother is throwing me a 'surprise' birthday party. haha. Bless her heart <3

Love you guys! 

Today was my last day at "the gabes".   Fucking yeah.  tomorrow they are taking us to Dave & Busters for super fun appreciation times.  I am MUCHLY looking forward to it.

Then Saturday is NYC time. Huzzah!



So for our last day we had this bigass end of summer celebration.  Basically we had various activities throughout the campus for the kids to go to. i helped run the water relay.   I got to run it with a guy I work with that I have a big ole work-crush on, which was QUITE fun.  We are both in relationships and stuff so it's totally innocent (in fact we actually spent most of the time talking about his daughter), but the flirtation is definitely enjoyable.  

Hey now!  

We really did end up having a blast and I got soaked. a lot. The kids loved it, so that's good. 

It was also the last day of school. So glad that's over. It was a hellish summer, I'm not gonna lie. They have already asked me to come back next year.  I will have to wait and see what my situation is like then, jobwise. 

I'm all planned out until December, but until then, I have no idea what I'm doing. :\

Well im burnt up from the sun, and exhausted so I think I'll head in early tonight.  R is at a Phillies game so it's just me and the kids.  I feel like I'm falling asleep on my feet at all times.


(OH PS!  I was soooo annoyed. I came home, so exhausted and aching that i could barely walk and so I order dinner instead of cooking, thinking I would save time and energy and dishwashing...when much to my chagrin, i walk into the kitchen when the food arrives, AND THE SINK IS FULL OF DISHES!!  I mean OVER FLOWING!  I was so effing pissed i started yelling, "WHY can't ANYONE wash the damn dished BUT ME!??!"   So yeah...there was that.)

I love True Blood
I really really do.
Im in love with ASkars, like whoa.

And tonight's episode was just...ugh.  so amazing.

if you havent read the books, i highly recommend it. Like totally. fershur. 

I am having conflicted feelings.

So next weekend I am going to my family's house.  Initially R said he wanted to go to this concert the same weekend but I made it pretty clear that it would be kind of lame for him to choose a concert over my family.  To be fair I know R loves my family. He always complains about the drive up, but he always ends up having a great time when he's up there.

Recently R took out a loan from his Retirement because we need new furniture. BADLY.   Well there is this great place where you can get really nice furniture at a closeout price.  basically unsold shit goes there. you can get a $1000 couch for $500. the only problem is, it's only open the last weekend of every month (they get their stock at month's end).

That happens to be the weekend we go to Rochester.

So, because Rob has the loan now, we want him to get the furniture NOW.  Otherwise the money will end up getting spent on shit like bills, other amenities and stuff.  

So we decided that he should stay here, get the furniture, and get rid of the old stuff while me and the kids go to Rochester.

But now Im conflicted.

A) I feel like he wants me here to help him pick it out.
B) I feel like my Mom will feel bad he isnt coming
C) I think he feels bad about not going
D) Im worried I wont be able to take his truck (he for some reason thinks he can fit the furniture in it, which he cant...it's too small)


And that's about it.  I think if/when we discuss it further, if we resolve what kind of furniture we want to get, and i know how he's going to transport everything, I will feel better.

Meh...I dont know. I'm weird. 

So I started reading the Mortal Instruments Trilogy a while back.  I read The first one, City of Bones, a couple of months ago and the ending really pissed me off so it took me a while to pick up the second, City of Ashes.


The first book was really good, even the ending, which I hated. Iwhat I mean by that is that the ending took a crazy turn that I didnt like, but from a storytelling stand point it was a doozy.  They aren't the best series of books I've ever read. but they are entertaining.

The trilogy is about a whole world within this world that real people dont see.  With people called "shadowhunters" - children of the Nephilim or angels - who fight what are called "downworlders" - vampires, demons, werewolves, fairies, witches, etc.

There is an accord between the two races so the shadowhunters only police the rogue downworlders.  Specifically this trilogy is about a girl named Clary who discovers late in life (teen years) that she is a shadowhunter and that all this stuff exists out there. She runs into this group of 3 shadowhunters her age with a particular attachment to one named Jace.  Basically she is being hunted and by what, they dont know and it's a wild ride.

It's all in all an entertaining read.  If you are into fantasy, horror and mystery  - with a little bit of romantic tension mixed in - it will be right up your alley. :)

I turn 30 in one week. 

Holla!


Ive been working long hours this summer both teaching and managing activities on the frats at school so Im exhausted ALL THE TIME.

But this is my last week! Yay! 

BUT I go on to "student" teaching for the fall. Im also going to be taking 3 classes while Im doing this. Im scurred because this is academic hari kari. :\   BUT I CAN DO IT! 

It's going to be a jam packed semester but come Decemeber, im going to be a full-fledged teacher with my Masters and EVERYTHING!  Yay Me!

I'm not going to lie. It's been a rough summer.  The students have been particularly evil, and money has been unbelievably short for me.  The commute is painfully long so my workday adds up to about 14 hours. It's really making me look forward to the fall when I will be working with wee ones (1st grade special education/6-7 year olds) and the school is literally across the street from my house. :)

Oh Oh!  But I'm excited for next weekend! For my 30th R is taking me to NYC for the weekend!  We are going up Saturday, seeing a matinee of Wicked, then going out to dinner and walking around midtown that evening.  Then on Sunday (MY BDAY) we will probably go shopping then we are going to an afternoon Phillies v. Mets game at the new Mets stadium. 

I'm so excited!!!

Then the following weekend we are going to Rochester to visit the fam.  I miss them sooo much! I cant wait to spend quality time with them, especially my mom who will be starting her reconstruction surgeries in the fall.

I've also missed you guys a lot too. Ive just been so busy, stressed and exhausted...and i dont think it's going to be slowing down for a while...

wahoo.

I went to go visit my recently left students today. They were soooo excited to see me. It was nice.


Apparently (not sure if I mentioned him before) the student who had a 'crush' on me, missed me a LOT.  This is according to the other teachers who said he talked about me every day. Not just a crush, the guy was in love with me (the kid is almost 19 years old.  NOT good!!)

Also, one of the teachers said he saw me before i even got to the room and he went up to the teacher and said 'Miss Puschkin's Here! She's here!"

Then when i got there he kept trying to ask me for my number.

oh boy.


Anyway...,it was really really nice seeing some of my old students, especially the ones who feel i had a really good impact on them.

One student was all excited ebcause he got halfway through the biggest book he has ever tried to read.  he is being released soon but he said he wants to go to the library so that he can finish it on the outside because he really likes it and he likes the idea of finishing a book thzt thick.

*sigh*

I miss my boys :(


As for me, still unemployed until Mid June.  Just bumming about.  Actually doing things though. Ive read 3 books since Friday and am about to start a 4th.  Im reading A LOT. haha.  For now, Im enjoying it. Working when I can by subbing per diem, but mostly just relaxing while i have the luxury. :)

How are all of you? Ive missed you!
 

So i worked at the other school ive taught at.  Everyone was happy to see me. 

I taught wood working,.

lol.

Not really.

Well i subbed for the woodworking teacher and I would have the same students for 3 periods in a row and then another group for 3 more periods. so we did 3 things.  We did work in their workbooks (and by this i mean we sat around and talked about their lives and I timed one kid who was teaching himself to juggle), we watched a video and we played basketball in the gym.

Awesome.

Glorified babysitting ftw.

I get $90/day for this. Not awesome money, but it could be full-on worse.  unfortunately, I will be working for 4 days this week. I say unfortunately ebcause this means I will not be able to collect any unemployment for this week. Im not a govt freeloader by anymeans, but Im so behind what will being unemployed 2 times before, again now, making less than i was before, and having to have dental surgery.

Ugh. No rest for the wicked.

it's cool though.  at least im not sitting around eating, which was a worry!

RIght now though Im preparing for 2 finals. Im exhausted and my whole body aches.  BED TIME EARLY TONIGHT!

Im officially unemployed technically. i dont have steady employment.
Im subbing at a school for the remainder of this week, but that's all i know so far.

Zoinks.

So technically i didnt have to get up this morning. But i did.  I woke at around 5 am.  Fell back asleep at around 7 am.  Woke back up at 830 in a horrible sweat.

It was a rough night.

Im doing ok...weight wise im still struggling. I was doing really great for a while then found out i was losing my job and shit went down hill (even as I told myself i wasnt going to let it affect my progress so far, it still did).

About my job. I lost it becausae the woman who i was filling in for miraculously recovered, and decided she wanted to come back.

it sucks for a whole host of reasons.  1) I was supposed to be in a different teaching position but went to this one instead because this woman went out suddenly and they needed/trusted me to go into this position. 2) they promised me it would be until the end of the year, but now they couldnt get the approval for it. 3) i couldhave had a ft position at the other teaching thing DEFINITEly to the end of the year.

all my colleagues and students were pissed.  The students dont like the other teacher because she is old fashioned and my colleagues for the same reason.  They begged the administration to keep me, but to no avail.  This woman has been there for 30 years.  She isnt going anywhere.

Meh. Ill be back there this summer, it just sucks!

Im going to start making What Im reading posts.  If you are interested in what Im reading, comment and i will add you to the filterererer



Currently:
( Snuff by Chuck Palanhiuck: )

Recently Finished:

The Watchmen:  Brilliant Graphic Novel with a story unlike any superhero story you have read.  This isnt a superhero story so much as it's about a gang of misfit people who sort of fell into the work.  once i got into a few chapters I couldn't stop.

Lamb by Christopher Moore: Genius retelling of the life of Christ of the point of view of his best friend Biff.  Truly hilarious at every turn, as well as sexy, touching and passionate.  One of my favorite books I've read in a while.

no really!!

I was out of town :)

I was visiting the fam for Easter.  It was exhausting. But good to be with them :)

Im doing ok. Went to see the doctor today.  We discussed my depression and my weight gain.  he referred me to a psychologist and said it will help me with both.

He also breifly mentioned the Lap Band surgery for my weight loss. Less intrusive than a gastric bypass but a similar effect. he said that if i was really concerned, and since i seemed to be a viable candidate, i should read up about it and get as much info as I can.

We'll see.

 

here's hoping <3

Today i feel good.

I did some running. im moitoring what I eat.

im feeling much better and really positive.

We go to rochester tomorrow so i may not have a chance to post until Monday, but hopefully sooner :)

<3

Im not sure what the fuck Im doing next year as far as job/school.

Ihave to do my student teaching in the fall. I got a call today saying that the school i teach at now, basically i wont be able to do student teaching there as they have very specific criteria and my school is missing some.

So now, I need to figure out what Im going to do.  I have no idea.
If I have to take a placement somewhere without getting paid, then i dont want to have to drive. i would prefer working somewhere within walking distance.

Gas is not an expense I will be able to afford.

It's just fucking depressing. i really like where i teach :(

hi

i am going to make a concerted effort to post everyday.
i really am.
Because I need it.
Bad.

Today Im going to talk about my weight.
it's outta hand. Big time.

you know how i person needs to hit rock bottom?  i think I have.

Im horrified at how much weight i have gained in the past 4 years.  It's disgusting.

80lbs.
That's what ive gained.  That's 20 lbs/year.

How horrifying is this?  I mean really??

Im borderline about to be pushing out of the biggest size ive ever worn (never gone bigger than this) and Im about to break that ceiling.

So starting today, things are going to change.
i am going to change.
i need to change.
It really is a matter of life and death.

Im trying to post more frequently than once a month.

here's this post: im going to be doing the breast cancer Race for the Cure in May with miss Devan.  Here is the link to my personal pledge page http://rfcphl.convio.net/site/TR/Race/General?px=1515501&pg=personal&fr_id=1030&et=ye5hF3gXxMpb-t4aF6c2Ww..&s_tafId=26542
iffffff you are interested in donating :)

Also, things are good here.  Im off work for a few weeks in between teaching jobs.  Im hoping someone gives me some good news about a permanent job sometimes soon. :\